


You Still Won't Let Me In

by LockedHerselfOut



Category: Placebo (UK Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brewitt - Freeform, M/M, Multi, Other, Placebo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:21:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26100082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LockedHerselfOut/pseuds/LockedHerselfOut
Summary: Brian Molko and Steve Hewitt's relationship was always something special.Wonderful Brewitt.
Relationships: Brewitt, Brian Molko/Original Male Character(s), Steve Hewitt/Brian Molko, Steve Hewitt/Original Female Character
Comments: 17
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve had this Brewitt in my head for years and suddenly had an urge to write it.  
> So here it is.

**You Still Won’t Let Me In**

I’ve had this Brewitt in my head for years and suddenly had an urge to write it.  
So here it is.

*****

**Autumn, 1990**

Brian tried to play it cool, pushing his dyed black locks behind his ear as he repositioned himself on the hard, uncomfortable chair. One of seven formed in a circle in the theatre room. They were supposed to be sharing their ideas for a modern 90’s adaptation of a Shakespeare play to celebrate entering the new decade. Typical first year bullshit Brian really couldn’t be bothered with.

It was only October and he was already bored out of his mind. He was so sure once he stepped out of Luxembourg and went to London, his life would suddenly do a 180. Well this wasn’t a fairy tale and he was no damn cinderella, no matter how much smack he applied.

All the loneliness, the suffocating feeling, the inability to express himself, that would all dissipate and he would be somehow reborn mere months before his 18th birthday.

  
That had been the plan.

But no.

Here he was in London, in a school that was supposed to spark his creative juices and he was already bored - _and lonely._ Despite thinking Goldsmith’s University would have _his kind_ of people, he found himself just as isolated and as much of an outcast as he was in his bedroom in Luxembourg and it really just - wasn’t fucking fair. What he could once blame on environment, on location, he now questioned if it was himself. Was it him?

_What else could it be?_

  
That is, till he met Amber. Already a fourth year drama student, she was mentoring ‘the babies’, as she called them, that entered the first semester and she was simply - lovely, to put it plainly.  
He did always have a thing for older women.

He repositioned himself in the same uncomfortable chair, trying not to make continuous eye contact with her and to look as disinterested as everyone else did in his circle until she directed her next question at him and he wondered if it was on purpose.

“Well, do YOU have any ideas, Brian?” she asked sweetly, but exhausted, a ridiculous amount of optimism coating her words even though she seemed out of steam at everyone’s lack of input.

He stuttered quickly at the mere mention of his name. He in fact had no ideas because he thought Shakespeare adaptations had been done to death. TO DEATH. He wanted to do an original play about a drug addicted prostitute. Something gritty, dark, brooding, the more uncomfortable it made everyone, the better- and he’d play the lead, of course.

But _nooo,_ he couldn’t admit that in this circle, if any. They wouldn’t get his vision.

“Um, not really, I’m good with anything.” Brian mentally cursed at himself as he heard his voice squeak out the words, sounding as disinterested as he could. He didn’t want to annoy her with his lack of interest, but had a hard time faking it all the same.

“Let’s just do Hamlet and get it over with,” spat one of the boys to Brian’s left, in a black turtle neck and scarf.

_Year one drama student and he already looks like a total douche canoe._

_Of course he has to be in MY group._

“I was hoping you lot would want to do something a bit less famous, one of his lesser known pieces,” said Amber laughing. “A comedy is fine, we don’t have to be all DRAMATIC,” she emphasizes, making a mime box with her hands around her face. Brian was the only one who laughed loudly, stopping himself quickly after realizing.

Everyone in the group seemed to pipe up at once, all saying which ones they didn’t want to do, all well-known ones of course, ignoring Amber’s advice entirely and talking over themselves as the poor student rolled her eyes silently while grinning sweetly and mouthing ‘kill me’ to him with her lips eloquently.  
  
Brian grinned back at her, turning crimson under his caked foundation, feeling like they had a silent language all of their own for mere moments before the bell rang. Amber shoved her notebook back in her bag and reminded the group they had to decide on a piece by next class because they had to have something to present to their classmates in a mere two weeks, even if it was rough. Brian watched her put on her long, unfortunately ugly, plaid jacket in slow motion. Watching her zip up her bag, throwing both straps over her shoulders quickly and bending over to gather all her long dark hair in her hands and put it in a high ponytail with her neon purple scrunchie around her wrist that somehow looked sensual to Brian through his gaze.

“Don’t make me look bad to my classmates, guys!” she added, laughing, standing back up straight . The other 5 students waved, not giving her or Brian another look before she looked over at Brian still staring at her in his chair, looking to have been caught in a trance. Confused by his fixation, she looked behind her thinking he was looking at someone or something behind _her._

Was it her kindness, or her ability to look at him and not seem to see right through like every other student he had met at Goldsmith’s. “You okay?” she asked concerned, popping a piece of bubble gum in her mouth that she pulled out of her pocket. Her words snapped him back to reality, blinking as he stood up from the hard chair.

“Yeah, just, my dialogue assignment, school already has me stressed out,” he replied quickly, impressed he thought of a fib so quickly as he pushed his hair that fell right at his chin behind his ears, doing it once, then twice out of nervousness, even though his hair hadn’t moved.

“Yeah you seem a bit nervous for something!” she laughed. He gave her a fake smile, his stomach seeming to suddenly have it’s own heartbeat. Did he really like her that much or was it his desperation for a little kindness, an ear who wanted to talk and listen. He stayed silent still, thinking he embarrassed himself enough for one bloody day, it was time to go smoke some weed in his council flat and end the day on a high note.

_Hahahaha I crack myself up._

He gave her another tight lipped smile and waved before turning around and picking up his own bag from under the chair, throwing the side strap over his shoulder.

“Hey, did you want some help?” Her voice broke the slew of self-doubt assaults in his head as he stopped and turned to look back at her, unsure if she was serious. Years of bullying makes anyone question someone’s kindness, mental collateral damage. “Let me help you, that assignment is super easy, Mr. Leni doesn’t even read your conversation, he just makes sure your punctuations are all in the right spot, I SWEAR,” she adds dramatically.

Brian stood there, his eyes getting brighter as she looked at him, waiting for a response. Brian stayed silent, not realizing it was his turn to talk- or say _anything_ , really. When she realized there was a better chance of being struck by lightening than him responding, she chuckled, not knowing how to read this strange, sweet little nancy boy, but wanting to help him regardless. Every one of the newbies this semester looked like a cookie cutter version of what they thought a “drama major” should look like, but not Brian. She couldn’t quite place him and she liked it.

“Listen, I’m going to Burger King after my tutoring session,” she says softly, “just down the street a couple blocks and around the corner.”

“There’s a Burger King?” asked Brian, and again, mentally cursing himself. All the things to say and that’s what comes out of his mouth. And how had he been in London two months and not known Lewisham had a Burger King near his own University!? Cheap, greasy food is a must-know as a student. He wondered if it was as much of a dump as the one in Deptford near his council flat.

“Lewisham Burger King is a dump, but the burgers are solid, I PRAW-MISS,” she said, almost as if she was reading his mind, her British accent suddenly a bit more distinct on the last word. Brian giggled, unable to hold it in.

“Sounds great,” he replied loudly, his voice reaching a nasally cord even he couldn’t remember reaching before.

“Okay good, see you there, I gotta run!,” she replied quickly with a smile, blowing a small bubble with her gum as she waved and walked past him. Brian’s smile lingered on his lips for moments after she walked away.  
_Was this a date? Was she asking me out on a date? This had to be a date_ , thought Brian’s 17 year old naivety, pushing out the logic and the doubt, enjoying the feeling of being wanted since his first, _and only_ , girlfriend.

Brian hung around the school after his last class, killing about two hours laying in the grass and looking up at the sky as the sun started to set a bit behind his sunglasses. He wasn’t the best at the bus schedule quite yet, that was notoriously late as well if he might add. He didn’t know if he’d get to Deptford and make it back in time to the fast food joint without standing her up or being ridiculously late.

If truth be told, he was used to spending large amounts of time alone. The isolation in London was almost worse, at least at home he could spend time with his mum. Cooking and gardening were two things they often did together and as much of a momma’s boy it made him- he missed it. He was so sure once he got here, he’d find his group. His posy that would get him and it would all fall into place. His mother couldn’t be his best friend forever, _especially since her other best friend was God._ Surely if he can’t find people like that here, maybe they didn’t exist?

He watched the students leave the school one by one, mostly in groups of two or three. He let ‘Kool Thing’ blast through his headphones as he turned up his old cassette player, Sonic Youth’s guitar strings creating a delicious melody, the likes of which he hadn’t heard before.

_‘Why are you so fucking good!?’_ He thought to himself, as he did every time he put on Sonic Youth, which was his current new-found love. He bopped his head, his hair blowing in the breeze as he looked down at his watch, the only gift his father had gotten him that had ever been somewhat useful, deciding it was time to head to the Burger King to meet Amber.

Throwing his device and headphones in the bottom of his bag, he threw it over his shoulder and headed down the block, his steps quick and strides long despite his short stature. His dirty docs purposely stepping on each crack in the pavement as the wind picked up, smiling to himself at the thought of sitting in a shitty burger place with Amber, a friendly face and willing ear. Maybe they could discuss something other than his assignment, surely that’s what she had planned. He thought of what he’d like to ask her, what her favourite kind of music was, what kind of things she liked to watch on the tele. What kind of books did she read?

His thoughts ran almost as quickly as his feet did as he found himself at the door of the restaurant where she said it would be around the corner, the bright red neon sign buzzing coldly as the sun properly started to set in the distance. He looked to the west to stare at it momentarily, gathering his courage as he pulled open the metal door and headed inside. He panned the dining room quickly, spotting her dark hair still in that high ponytail, her neon scrunchie a beacon, as her arm shot up to wave at him; spotting him back. He grinned wide, _and too soon_ , as he looked to her right, sitting against the window was a guy, with curly, dark hair like himself that came just below his chin- _and his arm around her shoulder._

His grin dropped from his face as he slowly walked towards them, his feet forcing him to lunge forward towards the booth against the window. He stared at the smiling guy, wearing a Manchester United football shirt, a leather jacket folded up to his side beside him.

_Ugh. Are you fucking kidding me?_

Brian’s voice rang in his own ears. Some sports-obsessed brute, that’s who she’s with? The guy squeezed Amber’s shoulder as she turned to whisper something in his ear. The quick notion that maybe it’s her brother flying out the window with his chance of thinking this was any sort of date.

_You’re stupid, Brian. Stupid, stupid, STUPID._

“Hey! You made it!” she said excitedly, waving her hand for him to come closer. “Sit!!”  
Brian sat slowly across from them in the booth right in front of Amber, Steve to the left of his gaze.

“Hey, man, I mean, I _think_ , man,” says the guy, laughing light heartedly as he offered a hand to shake. Brian’s polite demeanour seemed to fade in a nanosecond, the confusion and hurt now turning into anger. He ignored the man and his hand as he turned to Amber, sure that he wasn’t hiding his expression of pure distaste for this whole situation.

“Who’s this?” Brian asked, a little more bitterly than necessary, though Amber didn’t seem to pick it up. That silent language he thought they had between them clearly non existent, making him feel like an insolent child for thinking anything otherwise.

“This is Steve, my boyfriend, I hope you don’t mind! He wanted BK too! And I know he’s gorgeous, but he’s mine!” she replied with a laugh, her infectious giggle making them both burst into fits as she wagged a finger at Brian teasingly.

_She thinks I’m gay. Of course. Of fucking course._

_I mean, she WAS half right, but still! UGH._

Brian looked over at this brute in his ridiculous football shirt. Okay, maybe he was a little gorgeous. Long, thick, black lashes fluttered over his chocolate brown eyes, his hand pushing his black curls back out of his face as he smiled at him sweetly. Brian was still pissed off and pissed off he was going to stay!

“Amber has told me a lot about you,” Steve piped up, his Manchester accent thick, making his shirt make that much more sense. Well, least he’s loyal to his home team… “She says you easily have the most potential out of her entire mentor group, that’s a compliment, she’s super judge-y,” he continues with a chuckle. Amber mock gasps, smacking his side.

“I am not!” she laughs back, unbuttoning her yellow plaid jacket and tossing it off her shoulders. Brian’s expression didn’t change, the anger fading away back into hurt. What was the point in being upset? She never promised him anything, never told him she liked him that way. It all had been in Brian’s head, where he had lived much of his life. In a world all of it’s own in his own head once he put his headphones on. “We were waiting for you before we ordered, you wanna go first?”

“Oh,” he replied softly, suddenly realizing where he was. Though he hadn’t eaten anything since an apple and some crackers at lunch, his appetite had suddenly vanished. “No, you can go ahead.”

“Okay, cool! I’ll be back,” she said quickly, turning to look at Steve. “You stay here and keep Brian company. What do you want? Double Whooper meal deal, you fat arse?” she joked. He nodded.

“I’m a growing boy!” She eye rolled as she grabbed her wallet out of her rucksack and headed towards to the counter and getting in queue. Brian watched her adjust her long hair tied up on the top of her head as he heard Steve clear his throat.

_Great. Just great. Please let this be as painless as possible. It talks._

Brian sighed heavily, still not doing a very good job at hiding his distaste for the situation - and the company- as he shrugged off his own leather jacket, revealing his Cure t-shirt he had gotten for a steal price of 3 quid at a charity shop. Who gets rid of a Cure top!? Steve eyed it and smiled.

“Bloody love The Cure, mate,” said Steve enthusiastically. Brian cocked an eyebrow at him, like he had just said it in Spanish as he reached in and grabbed his school binder with his assignment, attempting not to be phased by what he said.

“YOU like the cure?” squeaked Brian, a coy smile unable to be wiped off his face. He really couldn’t help being a bitch sometimes. Maybe this was the reason he didn’t have a posy yet? Brian wasn’t ready to admit that.  
Steve mocked fake insult as he put his hands in the air before pushing his black locks, that were just a little too shiny, off his face once again.

“Hey! I have good taste!” he responded back with a grin. “The Cure aren’t JUST for the goths like yourself.” He chuckled as Brian matched Steve’s mock insult for real.

“I’m not Goth!” defended Brian, his brow furrowing that only made him look cuter instead of intimidating. It happened often.

“Oh, sorry! I just saw the black lady’s trousers and black hair and lipstick..,” he started.

“It’s ‘Lucious Lavender’,” Brian snapped back, digging in his bag’s side pocket and pulling out the lavender coloured lipgloss to show him, pressing his sticky lips together that he had just glossed with the purple concoction before he had made the trek over.

Steve snorted and started to chuckle. The taller man wasn’t trying to be rude, but that’s all Brian heard as his loathing for this somewhat handsome guy who had already stolen his imaginary girlfriend was now making fun of his lip colour.

“Listen, tell Amber we’ll do this another time, I’m not in the mood,” snapped Brian, closing his binder he had opened with his assignment, not willing to sit there and be insulted for a whole hour. He really didn’t need it.

“Wait! Wait! I’m sorry, really!” replied Steve quickly, sounding sympathetic and looking at him with what seemed like sincere eyes, though Brian couldn’t be sure. Why would this guy care if he insulted his girlfriend’s faggy little drama school friend. “I really didn’t mean to offend you, Amber has lots of friends your type, it really doesn’t bother me.”  
  
“My **_type_**?”

_Is this supposed to be an apology, really?!_

“Sorry! Sorry! I have a big mouth, I say the wrong thing a lot. I just meant guys, guys who swing your way and stuff. It doesn’t bother me! Live and let Iive and all that!”

“Swing my way?!” Brian’s voice got louder, the people in the booth behind Steve turning to look at him for a moment, Brian giving them a death glare that made them turn back to their own business rather quickly.

“Gay!”

“I’m not gay!”

_I mean I am half gay, but I’m not giving you the satisfaction that you’re right._

“REALLY?!” asks Steve, a little louder than necessary. This time Brian couldn’t help but snort at the deer in headlights look on his handsome face. Not handsome! Semi-handsome, if he had to admit…. Steve’s ridiculously luscious eyelashes fluttered over his brown eyes again. “You’re just, I didn’t think guys as pretty as you were straight.” Brian turned his head to look directly at him, cocking an eyebrow again with a half smile on his lips.

_So he thinks I’m pretty._

Just as if Steve could read Brian’s mind, he coughed, repositioning himself in the booth.

“I mean, men who look as feminine as you and, you know, stuff like that.” He looked down, staring at the napkin holder against the wall and repositioned it a bit nervously, realizing what he had said. He glanced over at Amber, seeing she only now was approaching the cashier for her turn to order.

“Well you’re half-right,” admitted Brian with a sigh, still amused this guy had called him pretty, he was always a sucker for an ego-boosting, vain compliment. Steve looked up at him with questioning eyes. “I’m bi,” he said confidently, one of the few things he was actually sure about himself. He looked back at Steve in the eyes, waiting for the eyeroll or criticism, but Steve just nodded.

“How modern!” he said in his thick accent with a grin. “That’s cool.” Brian stared back, a bit shocked someone like him would respond that way.

_Him, what did I mean by that? I yell from the rooftops for people not to label me and that’s exactly what I did to this guy._

Steve leaned forward on the table with his right elbow, propping his head up in his hand, relaxed. “I mean, think of all the options you have,” he said matter-of-factly, and laughed to lighten the mood. Brian shrugged, not wanting to admit that liking both genders hadn't helped him get laid any!

“But i’m not Goth!” Brian chimed back in, needing to nail that one home. Steve snorted again, nodding and agreeing with the nancy boy, watching as the shorter man pushed his curls behind his ears while he laughed with him. His young, baby face making him look barely 15, much-less almost 18 as his girlfriend had said.

“Okay, okay, not Goth!” Steve said defeated, “My buddy in my band is a huge Cure fan and he’s a total in the closet-Goth. I’ve seen his trench coat!" Brian rolled his eyes as he dug in his bag for his cigarettes, unsure if he was allowed to smoke in here, but deciding he really didn’t fucking care.

“See that’s the thing with “Goth” nowadays,” snapped Brian, using his fingers to air quote ‘Goth’ while holding onto his cigarette pack, “ it’s over-concerned with style and not enough with CONTENT. The Cure don’t even like to be referred to as GOTH, really, the name has been tarnished by teenagers with too much eyeliner and lipstick, both of which they can’t even correctly APPLY,” ranted Brian, his little face getting red as he tried to get his point across. Steve watched intently, unable to do anything but grin at how cute he looked complaining about the wannabe goth teens. 

Brian stopped mid-sentence and looked over at Steve still grinning at him, taking a drag of his cigarette that he lit up, deciding that even though he couldn’t decide if he liked this Steve or not- he had a gorgeous smile.“What?!” he squeaked, trying to sound annoyed.

Amber returned to the table and placed the tray down with 2 burgers, 2 sides of chips and 2 massively huge cups of drinks, as well as one container of seasoned curly chips.

“You know an awful lot about Goth for not being Goth,” teased Steve and Brian snorted in amusement while looking over at Amber, deciding to ignore him just to bug him.

“Brian isn’t Goth,” defended Amber factly, “he’s alternative,” she adds in, laughing and and sticking out her tongue as she picked up the curly chips and passed them to Brian. “Here!”

“Oh,” said Brian sweetly. “That’s okay! I wasn’t going to eat."  
  
  
“I know you weren’t! You’re little enough as it is, eat!” she said, sounding like his mother, “I brought ketchup, and this coke is the size of my head, we can share.” Brian’s bitchy demeanour diminished quickly like Jekyll and Hyde as he took another drag of his cigarette and smiled.

“Thanks.” He picked at his chips, enjoying the greasy deliciousness as he side-eyed Steve inhaling his food like he was a child. It was almost cute enough that he couldn’t help but crack a smile.

“So did Stevie tell you about his band?” Amber asked as she bit into her small, flat burger that looked nothing like the photo at the counter.

“Yes, I think he did mention a goth band mate,” Brian mused with a chuckle, taking another drag of his cigarette, feeling himself somewhat relax, but also interested.

“Yeah, he plays in Breed, they get quite a few gigs around London and around the UK!”  
  


Like his emotions weren’t already a rollercoaster over this situation, a little green-eyed jealousy was thrown into the mix. He had heard of Breed, so this Steve got to be on a proper stage.  
  


_I suppose someone attractive like him would do well under a stage light.  
  
_

“He drums,” said Amber, almost uninterested as she told her story, dipping a chip into the unnecessarily massive pile of ketchup she had laid across her tray. Brian snorted as he picked up a chip and copied Amber.  
  


_He hits things for a living, maybe he is a brute..  
_  
  
”I could see that,” Brian teased, unable to keep his big mouth shut. Amber snorted too and laughed as Steve’s mouth gaped open.

“This one’s mean!” Steve said while looking at Amber, pointing at Brian with his pointer finger and grinning, his ego clearly not as fragile as Brian's. “I’m good at the drums! I have rhythm, ask Amber!” Steve laughed, winking and nudging her. Amber looked disgusted, smacking him again and chuckling.

“We’re eating here!”

Brian wanted to be annoyed, offended, maybe a little hurt even, but he felt his groin pulsate for just a moment at the thought of this Steve naked… with rhythm. Steve grabbed another handful of chips and shoved them in his mouth in the most ungraceful way possible, ketchup on his bottom as he chewed, pushing his black curls out of his face again with his right hand almost awkwardly.

“How long have you been with Breed?” He was interested, he had to admit. Music a second love close behind acting.

“Ah I just started, their drummer actually drums full time and has a lot of shit on the go, so I kind of just fill in right now, but it’s fun and it actually pays when I do!” replied Steve excitedly. “I work for Formula 1 too, ordering parts in the garages,” he continued almost a little too proudly of what sounded like a bloody awful job. Brian smiled again, race cars, what a shock, wondering what on earth Amber saw in this Steve, other than a pretty smile and a handsome face…

_Could this guy be any more straight?!_ His frontal lobe trying to tell him not to be as fucking dumb with Steve as he was with Amber, unsure if it was working.

_Just stop it, Brian. Doesn’t matter how many angles you’re trying to play here, you’re not getting laid._

“Brian plays guitar,” Amber chimed in, looking at Steve, “Jesus, boys can’t have a conversation, i swear! Why don’t I just talk for you two,” she laughed, crumpling up the wrapper her burger came in and pushing the tray closer to Brian.

“Eat the chips!” she said motherly, making Brian grin again. “Before you blow away.”

_I really could stand to lose a few._ Brian’s inner voice never failed to remind him of his imperfections, his subconscious either in super ego mode, or the confidence of the one always last picked in gym class. There was rarely a happy medium.

“Chips muck up my lip gloss,” Brian pouted softly, that was a good enough excuse.

“So does that blood cigarette,” she chimed back, having a point. “Fucking hell, we never even worked on your dialogue assignment!” Amber smacked her forehead with her hand lightly. Brian looked to his left at the binder he had pushed to the side at some point mid-conversation.

“Oh, it’s okay, really,” Brian responded with a sigh, but honestly. He really had no desire to work on anything, especially after losing any hope of a girlfriend and getting laid any time before the millennium.

“Nooo, I feel bad, I invited you all the way out here and you barely ate anything and you had to put up with him,” she continued, pointing to Steve with her thumb and grinning.

“Hey!” Steve defended, rather cutely, Brian admitted to himself and chuckled.

“Let me make it up to you, come over to mine after school, I have a rehearsal for my show at the end of November, but I should be out in time, we can work at it. I’m staying with Steve, he’s like barely 3 blocks away from here, you can just walk over after last class. So much better than my flat mate at my dorm, totally moving out next semester. I can’t leave mid,” complained Amber, rambling on as she rolled her eyes in the back of her head and making a fake gun with her pointer and middle finger, pretending to blow her brains out.

“Are you in the dorms?” Steve asked interested, reaching over to grab one of Brian’s curly chips. “You don’t mind do you?” Brian chuckled yet again, shaking his head as he finished off his cigarette and putting it out on the farthest corner of the tray.

“No, the lucky arse has a council flat to himself in Deptford!” Amber replied for him with a pout.

“It’s a shit hole, really,” Brian defended flatly with a smile, eyeing Steve to the left of him finishing off his curly chips, ketchup falling on his football shirt and not noticing.

_He eats like a bloody toddler._

Yet Brian found it incredibly endearing.

“My neighbour has had his bike stolen out of his small garden,” Brian continued, trying to prove his point. Though as much of a shit hole it was, he was rather grateful that he lived alone. He didn’t think he could handle a roommate, especially if they had shite music taste.

“Anyway, please come by tomorrow, I’ll practically do your assignment for you, I feel bad dragging you out here and now you have to catch the late bus back to Deptford.”

Brian sighed heavily at her words, suddenly remembering that wonderful fact himself.

_Ah, fuck._

“Just come by! 14 Wage Road! Go down two blocks from here, then turn left at the dark yellow building, we’ll do your assignment! Okay?! Steve has weed!” Amber coaxed, Brian’s ears really perking up.

_Well, if weed is on the table…_

“That Amber offers to every guest she invites over,” Steve quipped in, sticking out his tongue ather and laughing. “Nah, come on by, it’ll be good, we can listen to The Cure,” he added, trying to sweeten the deal. I mean, here Brian was complaining he was lonely and had no friends and here were two people willing to hang out with him- with weed.

_I mean weed, Brian. Free weed. Who doesn’t want friends with weed?!_

“Well since you’re twisting my arm, fine,” Brian replied defeated, giggling secretly looking forward to hanging out with two people. One he really liked and one he was starting not to mind at all. Maybe this dumb brute wasn’t _SO_ bad,

Brian threw his binder in his bag as everyone put their jackets on, ready to leave the Burger King, out into what was now the dark, illuminated by any businesses that had a glowing neon sign and a few street lights. Lewisham wasn’t exactly dead in the evening, but it wasn’t downtown London, either. They stepped out into the cooler crisp autumn air, it actually feeling nice on his face, his cheeks feeling redder than usual.

“Well it was nice to meet you not-goth-Brian- uh,” teased Steve, hinting for a last name to make their formal handshake that much more formal as he offered out his hand again. Brian turned to him, pulling his eyes away that were staring at the street light above him.

“Molko,” Brian responded with a more than coy smile, offered his hand this time, his soft one with painted fingernails looking so delicate in Steve’s large, calloused, yet gentle, one. “Nice to meet you as well, Steve uh?”

“Hewitt!” he quipped happily, grinning and tightening his grip a tad on Brian’s hand before letting it go. “We’ll see you tomorrow after class then?”

“I’ll see you before that and for god sake, pick a damn Shakespeare play, if you guys don’t I’LL pick one and I’ll make it painful for all of you!” she threatened sweetly with a smile and Brian couldn't help but laugh, a little afraid she'd follow through on it.

“Alright, I’ll think about it!” She laughed back at him, leaning forward and giving him a quick hug, the close physical touch making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

_God, Brian, have you not been touched in that long?_

_Shutup, Brain._

_Even if the evening hadn’t gone the way I wanted it too, it wasn’t too terrible._

_I guess._

Brian waved bye to the both of them, heading in the opposite direction towards the bus stop, feeling as though he was a little bit closer to Amber, and that was nice, right? No big deal if she has a boyfriend, a big, football-loving, arse boyfriend. Well, a handsome, drummer boyfriend as well.

_Oh god, who cares about Steve!? Let it go._

Brian shook his head thinking about Steve’s smile, convincing himself he was unsure as of why.

He stared down at his watch, the evening bus not due for another 15 minutes in shitty, fucking Lewisham.

He heard a bang and turned to see a drunk man on his knees, looking for change under the bench in the small bus shelter as Brian stood by the pole, wishing he could justify the price of a taxi.

“Hey sweeeeetie,” the man called to him, slurring the word, fortunately too drunk to get off his knees to come over to him. “You got any quid on ya, princess??” chuckling while trying to get up but failing.  
Brian snorted, looking at him for only another moment, impressed at how pissed he was at only 20:30. He could already tell this was going to be a long night.

////

I have a lot more written, let me know if any of you are interested! xx


	2. Chapter 2

Brian stared up at the clock for the 14th time in the past 10 minutes, hoping the hand would move a little bit quicker. It had been 15:48 for what seemed like 10 minutes all on it’s own. Whatever monster decided to give him classes till 17:00 on a Friday no less was really taking the piss. Brian turned to look out the window to make sure he could see a tree moving, just a sign that the world hadn’t stopped spinning and he had been sucked up into some kind of time warp where time was deemed non existent and you were floating, stuck in between two worlds.

_Oh god, I really need to cut back on the old sci-fi movies._

Theory classes were the absolute most gruelling for Brian. He wanted to be on a stage, under a light and stage crew, not talk about why ‘down stage’ was called ‘down stage’ and how old those theatre terms were and where they came from. Who cared?! Definitely not Brian. It didn’t help that their teacher Mr. Morrissey talked about himself and his experiences with every term instead of actually _teaching_ what it was and meant.

He was already tired from getting home rather late, the bus showing up 20 minutes after it was intended to, forced to stand there and listen to the homeless man call him “sweetness” from a distance for change. The cherry on top being that the bus took the long route back to Deptford, reminding himself why he often caught the much earlier bus back to his shitty council flat. He yawned discreetly as he looked around his class, happy that the majority looked as bored as he was, so he blended in with the rest of them. Blending in not something he often did well.

The yawns and being a little sleepy aside, Brian was actually looking forward to going to Steve and Amber’s place after school, the idea of some proper company- and free weed- waiting for him. He hadn’t felt like he had someone to talk to since he left home and his mum. Sure his brother and him always got along but he was away in Belgium for work and didn’t have time to talk to his still teenage brother about his school troubles.

  
A friendly conversation and some weed was exactly what his little heart needed right now, it would be sublime. As much as Brian didn’t want to admit it, as much as he liked tot ell himself that being alone was meant for him, his depression being one to remind him.

Truth be told, Burger King last night hadn’t been terrible, he could be dramatic and say it was, but he didn’t have a _terrible_ time. Sure his infatuation with Amber was a bust, but that was okay. He’d get over it in time, right? University was meant to find yourself and experiment, right?

_Who am I trying to convince? Myself or … myself?_

Maybe there was a boy around here that wasn’t a complete twat he could fancy instead. Really explore his homosexual side. He yawned again and closed his eyes, Steve’s grin and lashes fluttering up to look at him with big brown smouldering eyes appeared behind his closed lids. He opened his eyes, shaking his head, wondering why an image of Steve just flicked on inside his head like a light-switch, surely it being the lack of sleep! He looked up at the class clock again, happy the hands were finally starting to move!

The bell for the class ending finally rang as he gave a sigh of relief, closing his notebook he hadn’t written a word in and heading out towards his locker two halls over. He looked around himself, pulling his sleeves from his black top over his hands, wiping the sweat off them as he popped open the small metal door and throwing his notebook in there. Only a few weeks into the school year and his locker was already a massive mess. He dug through the endless papers and textbooks before he felt a bop on the back of his head.

Brian turned around quickly eyes wide and deer in headlight stare as he looked face to face with Amber. Anyone touching him near his locker in college often meant he was about to fly straight into his locker or someone was about to pull him by his hair, so his whole body was on alert like a fire cracker had gone off behind him.

“Woah! Hey! Sorry! did I scare you?” asked Amber concerned, eyes wide herself with her hands in the air like she was being frisked. Brian immediately felt his body relax, though his heartbeat still thumped in his chest as he sighed with relief.

“Sorry, was a natural reaction,” responded Brian sympathetically.

_More like a flight or fight response from years of being a walking bully target._

“What, were you in the military with that kind of quick reaction?” she asked jokingly with a laugh. Brian grinned back at her as he put up his hand with his chipped, black painted nails.  
  
“They kicked me out for the varnish,” he replied coyly with a grin and she let out a snort.

“Listen, I won’t be your mentor for last class today and maybe next week as well, so make sure you guys pick a god damn Shakespeare play!” she said gritting her teeth like she was furious and then relaxing. Brian’s heart sank a little, it being the only class he was looking forward to today.

  
“Oh… why?” asked Brian, his disappointment evident in his voice, almost a little too disappointed.

_Pull yourself together, Brian._

_Even though I was looking forward to a friendly face._

“I have to go to my practice early, we’re really not where we need to be for rehearsals so they’re replacing me with another year four mentor. His name is Riley. He’s kind of a know-it-all twat, but he’s also super nice… annnnnnd super hot, so at least you’ll have something to look at- yeah?” she laughed and poked his shoulder. Brian chuckled back, still pretty disappointed. “I know no mentor can replace me,” she said, reading his facial expression, “but don’t worry, you’ll see me tonight at Steve’s and I’ll do your assignment with you and we can get stoned. I need it after this week from hell!” she sighed and cocked her eyebrows up and down suggestively. “Steve gets the BEST bloody weed from his mates, none of that cheap dried out shit.” Brian grinned back at her a little more sincere, that sounded pretty damn good right about now. “I’ll see you later!” She smacked his arm and waved before heading off down the hall, her high ponytail bouncing down the hall as Brian’s smile fading into a frown.

_Ah well, it’s only an hour._

Brian grabbed his bag and decided to head to the toilets first, reapply his lipgloss really well and touch up his hair before he headed off to Steve’s flat after last class. He didn’t need to _look_ like he almost fell asleep in every class even though that’s exactly what had happened. Pushing open the door, happy it was empty as he side-eyed the mirror, looking his bob that had fluffed up a bit too much for someone who hadn’t washed his hair for four days.

_Ugh, how long has it looked like this?_

He approached the sink and turned on the faucet, letting the cold water fall full blast into the sink as he pulled his favourite lipgloss from his side bag pocket, unscrewing the cap with he brush and scraping the sticky gloss from the sides of the almost empty container before applying it smack dab in the middle of his bottom lip, leaning closer to the mirror to get a better look at his mousey brown roots whiled he dragged the fuzzy brush to each side of his lip. He dipped the fuzzy brush back in the narrow container and scraped some more out, mentally noting he would have to pick up another, before adding more sticky substance to the top lip before smacking and rubbing them together like he had seen so many girls do on the tele and in school. He then took his pink finger and wiped at the corners, correcting the imprecations as best he could with what he had before turning to each side to admire his handy work. Putting the gloss away, he then put his hands under the water, the pressure being a little too hard and hitting his palms in such a way that it splashed on his black long sleeved jumper.

“For fuck sake,” Brian groaned softly to himself before turning one of the knobs a little bit to slow the liquid before gathering some in his palms, rubbing his hands together to get them both nice and wet before putting them on the top of his head, patting down his hair so it was slicked to his face, paying special attention to some strands in the front to make sure there wasn’t any frizz or hair out of place.

When he felt his reflection was going to get as good as it was going to get at this particular moment without all his makeup with him, he turned off the taps and poked at a pimple starting on his chin, but not ready to be popped yet.

_Where the fuck did you come from!?_

Brian wasn’t quite ready to admit that lack of hair washing might have something to do with the zits. He sighed, annoyed at the red bump and poking it, only causing it to get redder. He mentally cursed himself for leaving his concealer in his flat and not bringing it with him as he pulled his sleeves down and heading out the door towards the theatre room.

Brian didn’t realize how long he had actually been in the toilets as he opened the theatre door to find the other 5 students in his group sitting around in a circle, one empty chair for him and the mentor, Riley beside it who turned to look behind him to see Brian approaching the circle slowly. The guy was pretty cute, Amber wasn’t lying. Short dark brown hair, the side fringe longand hanging over his eyes just a bit. Deep dark blue eyes that had an innocent puppy-eyed droop to them and a chiseled jaw line that even David Bowie himself would be jealous of. Whereas Amber dressed casual to their class, he was in black dress pants and a dark purple dress shirt, sleeves rolled up, hands holding “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”.

_Ah, fuck. Not THAT ONE._

“Ah, better late than never, Brian..Mol-ko is it?” asked Riley, looking at his paper he was holding under his book, mispronouncing his surname just slightly. Brian nodded.

“Sorry I’m late, I lost track of time,” Brian said quickly, speed walking to the circle and sitting down in his usual hard seat as he shoved his bag under his seat.

“Not a problem, late is better than never, right?” asked Riley. “I’m Riley Anderson. You can just call me Riley, I’m your fill in mentor for today, and maybe a few more classes in the future as Amber has a lot on her plate preparing her winter show,” he said sweetly and matter-of-factly. "I was asked to take her spot.” He continued to smile at everyone around the circle, the rest of the students saying nothing. He felt Riley stare at him a little bit longer before looking down at his book. “So the class has decided on Midsommer’s Night Dream since no one knows what they want, alright?” he asked the 5 of them before looking at Brian, obviously having just said the same thing before he had walked in. But it wasn’t a real question, it was rhetorical. Like this is the way it is.

_Fuuuuck, why this one?_

“Sure,” said Brian flatly, looking across the circle at Marisol, this obnoxious girl who wore her hair in these hideous braids every single day and chewed gum constantly. Smacking her lips together the way a cow chews cud, even when she recited lines, she was chewing this bloody gum. How her jaw hadn’t completely fallen off, Brian was sure it was a mystery.

“Can’t we do Romeo and Juliet? I can be Juliet,” she piped up, still smacking the bloody gum between her lips.

“A modern version of a story about two people who wanna be together and can’t be, really? That hasn’t been done before,” replied the douche canoe in yet another turtle neck, sarcastically, crossing his legs on the chair and rolling his eyes.

“It’s all been done before, it’s fucking Shakespeare,” replied Marisol, not really getting his point as she sneered at him.

_Maybe this class will get interesting after all._

Brian didn’t mind drama if he was just observing it.

“Guys, c’mon, calm down, this should be an easy assignment, it doesn’t have to be polished. Just tests our ability to modernize older work. Make it funky, make it new, 90’s, we can improve a lot of it,” said Riley, Brian a bit impressed how he tried to make this assignment sound fun. I mean, not one of them look amused, but the effort was definitely there.

“I don’t know why we would want to modernize Shakespeare, that’s the appeal about the olden days English, isn’t it? Seems disrespectful and all that stuff,” said the douche canoe, trying to sound like he had some kind of ground breaking point. Marisol rolled her eyes, the other three students not saying a word. Quiet like Brian, wanting to just do the assignment and never be forced to sit in this circle again.

Brian smirked to himself and rolled his eyes, looking to Riley for his reply to this moron, hoping it was good.

“I think you’re reading too much into it, the fact it’s Shakespeare is supposed to make it easier to modernize it, because most of us are familiar with a lot of his works, especially the popular writings. So can we get started? We only have 30 thirty minutes left of this class as it is!”

“Can’t we do Romeo, please?” Marisol begged. Riley sighed heavily, throwing his book down on the floor in front of his feet and sighing, clearly losing his patient as he pushed his dark fringe out of his eyes, thinking for a moment before scratching his neck.

“Fine! Marisol can be Juliet, anyone have objections?” Riley asked, no one said a word as he probably predicted. But of course the douche in the turtle neck piped up. Truth be told, his name was Pierce, but Brian enjoyed his nickname so much more.

“I’ll be Romeo!” Riley looked at him and laughed, more of a scoff if truth be told and Brian grinned coyly at the older student’s reaction, not expecting it as he had been so overly professional up to this point.

“You didn’t even want to do Shakespeare,” he replied flatly, “How about Brian, do you want to be Romeo?” Riley asked, his tone becoming sweeter as he looked over at the nancy boy beside him. Brian was caught off guard being asked to play the main lead, even if it was for a short exercise. They only had to ‘modernize’ a few scenes of the play, nothing extensive. But BRIAN the main MASCULINE lead?

“Him??” Pierce exclaimed, adjusting his top and looking over at Brian with a scowl.

_I’m pretty sure this is the first time this guy has even acknowledged my existence, muchness made eye contact!._

“Pierce can have Romeo, that’s fine. I’ll be a side character,” replied Brian softly, really not wanting to memorize that many lines for this stupid assignment. Riley’s smile dropped a bit, not angry, but disappointed he shot it down and looked over to the other two quiet boys, Matthew and Trent, asking if either wanted Romeo, both of them shaking their heads no, much to the disappointment of Riley.

“Fine, Pierce, you can be Romeo, I won’t force anyone else,” he said reluctantly, his puppy shaped eyes looking sad at Brian. The nancy boy shifted in his chair, looking down at his chipped nail varnish, unsure why Riley would want Brian to play Romeo, why he even thought that was a fit.

_Maybe he just didn’t want Pierce to have it because he’s a god damn pretentious douche canoe. That was a very likely scenario after all._

“We still need Tybalt, Friar Laurence, Lady Capulet, and the nurse so one of the boys will have to be a female,” said Riley, paging through the scenes of his ‘Romeo and Juliet’ book that he had pulled out of his large briefcase like he was a substitute teacher, paging through lengthy enough scenes that they could do easily.

“I’ll be the nurse,” said Brian calmly, I don’t mind.

“People in school think you’re a woman anyway,” said Pierce brashly. “That’ll work.”

_Ah, the second time he’s acknowledged my existence._

The 5 students all snickered together as Riley furrowed his brow. Brian said nothing, prepared to reply back with a snide remark, but not even having the energy- almost wishing he had taken the Romeo part just to piss him off.

“Since you’re so concerned in keeping old theatre true to old theatre, only men were allowed to perform back in the day, all the female roles had to be played by men,” snapped Riley matter-of-factly. Pierce said nothing, looking annoyed as the older student let out a sigh and looked up at the clock, deciding it was too late on a Friday to be starting to read and modernize lines. Or maybe he just didn’t have the energy to deal with this group in the first place, Brian would definitely understand that one. “Alright, I think we’re done for the day, you’ll probably have me again on Monday so be prepared to go over some scenes, we’ll decide which ones work best then.”

No one said a word, instead all of them grabbing their bags almost in unison and hightailing it out of the theatre like it was on fire. Except Brian, Brian was much slower leaning down to grab his bag and getting up, preparing to head to Steve’s flat to get some free weed.This was easily going to be the highlight of his week.

“I really wish you had agreed to be Romeo.” Riley’s voice almost made Brian jump as he looked at the older student quickly, throwing the strap of his bag over his shoulder simultaneously. Brian stared at him, his mouth in the shape of an ‘o’ as he tried to think of a reply. Riley laughed as he threw his textbooks into his larger leather zippered briefcase and stood up. “If nothing more than to piss that kid off,” he continued, pointing to the wooden chair Pierce had been sitting in. Brian grinned. “I don’t know how you can stand him.”

_Ah, so he does think he’s a douche canoe too._

“Yeah he’s a bit of a twat,” replied Brian with a smile, giving a grimace at the mere mention of his name.

“I can tell, he’ll do well in showbiz with that kind of pretentious demeanour right off the bat. I’m sure he’ll get plenty of call backs,” replied Riley and rolling his eyes. “Don’t let his remarks about you looking like a woman bother you,” he said gently, putting his hands in his pockets. Brian laughed.

_Like this is the first time I’ve been mistaken for a girl._

“He’s as gay as they come, pretty sad someone like that would comment on such a thing in the first place,” he added. Brian smiled up at him sweetly, the ‘pretentious twat’ part of this boy that Amber had warned him about not really coming through at all.

“I’ve had people think I was a girl since I was a toddler. It’s probably the longer hair,” Brian replied coyly, patting his hair down to his face, it still feeling damp from earlier.

“The lipgloss probably doesn’t help either,” laughed Riley with a grin, it not meant to be an insult. “Although it does suit you, I’ll admit. I would go for more of a red next time though, really bring out the olive colour in your skin, your eyes would pop,” he added. Brian chuckled bashfully, smiling back with cheeks that felt like they were on fire, looking up at the taller man, _well most men were taller than Brian._ Riley’s pretty eyes and grin holding their stare for a little longer than Brian expected. The nancy boy gave a fake cough and looked up at the clock to break the air.

“I have to meet some friends, I should get going,” replied Brian, surprised at himself that he used the term ‘friends’. “Thanks, though.” He was unsure exactly of what he was thanking the older student for or what this little friendly exchange was, but had too many confusing feelings this week to last for the rest of the semester. Just as he was about to turn away, Riley caught him off guard once again.

  
“Do you wanna come by my dorm tomorrow?” asked Riley quickly, keeping eye contact, still grinning almost as if he ignored what Brian had just said entirely. Brian’s eyes widened like roadkill, paralyzed.

  
 _Is the universe just trying to play a big fucking joke on me?!  
Why would this attractive guy want _ **_me_ ** _to come by his dorm room?_

“You can pick out the Romeo and Juliet scenes you would prefer to do and not let the others even get a say, pick some scenes where Romeo is an arse in it just for Pierce? Maybe the one he’s dead in, no lines,” he replied with a chuckle. Brian couldn’t help but chuckle too, a big smile appearing across his face as his stomach suddenly felt like it was in his throat, cheeks going even redder. “I mean if you don’t mind coming by on a Saturday in the afternoon,” he added. “Just an offer after Pierce was such a prick.” Riley laughed again, putting his hands in his dress pants pockets, strap of his briefcase off his shoulder. He really did look like a substitute teacher he used to have in college, though none of them were anywhere near as cute as this guy though. Brian blushed, not knowing what to say. He could be a snarky little bitch when he wanted to, but when he needed to say something in situations like this, it was like his lips just locked up.

“Oh,” was all Brian could muster out. He prided himself in being a a bold, say-what-I-want-bitch, but he was really fumbling with the whole English language lately.

“Think about it,” he continued, sensing Brian’s coyness. “I’m in the Richardson building, dorm room B3. Hope you show up, just think of getting back at that Twat.” With a chuckle, he nodded at Brian and headed out of the theatre, leaving the poor nancy boy very confused and awkward, not realizing he had been picking at a thread on his sleeve out of anxiousness the entire time Riley had been talking to him and unraveled the thread right around the sleeve cuff.

“Ah fuck,” said Brian to him, noticing the long string dangling.

He sighed heavily, looking back to see the door swinging where Riley had walked out, still unsure why such a cute, most likely popular, guy like that would care another student made fun of him?

_Maybe the universe is cutting me a break?  
Is the world ending, are there explosions in the sky?_

Looking up at the clock again, he realized it was time to head to Steve’s.  
Maybe getting high would help him figure what that was all about…it was definitely worth a shot.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	3. Chapter 3

Brian shook his head, confused, as he headed out of the school, this wasn’t the time to think about Riley, he had to keep himself together to hang out with his new found ‘friends’?

_Is that what I'm calling these two now?_

He supposed Amber was the closest thing he had to one in the university, if at all. He supposed he should be happy to be able to even call her that.

Autumn was a season Brian enjoyed, though hot weather was his much preferred, the cool breeze was appreciated as he adjusted his jacket and zipped it up as high as he could. His female, striped, and quite tight trousers ( _a little too tight_ ) weren’t quite warm enough, but they were cute and that’s what was of upmost importance to his vain side that often took precedence when it came to dressing for the weather. The long sleeved jumper and leather jacket fortunately guarded him from the crisp wind on his upper body as he headed the way he went yesterday.

The nancy boy looked around him, the path to the Burger King was a little more familiar now and he could take in the things around him a bit more with ease. Lewisham a bit of a struggling, low income area obviously, even though there was a rather prestigious university only down the block. For every shop open, there was one closed, boarded up or vandalized, spray paint painting vulgarity that made even Brian blush a bit.

His guard was always up a bit when he made his way down a street alone, being an effeminate, short man not giving him any favours. He clutched the strap of his bag a little tighter as he spotted the Burger King, his first landmark.

_Two blocks from here and turn left at the dark yellow building._

Amber’s voice rang in Brian’s head as he remembered where he was headed. He looked into the window as he passed the restaurant, people eating their meals made his tummy grumble a bit as he thought of his next move. He picked up his pace a bit, two blocks suddenly seeming treacherous as the autumn wind blew and the sky getting a bit darker, not from the sun going down that quick, no, but from the possibility of rain from some suspicious dark clouds.

_Oh fucking sake, c’mon._

Just his luck, if it start’s raining before he gets there, he was going to be seriously pissed. Nothing would save his hair from the poof ball that would emerge if his head was going to get rained on and his jacket didn’t have a hood and carrying an umbrella just never went with any of his outfits! His boots hit the pavement a little faster as he sped walk, the sight of the rather bright yellow building he was supposed to turn left at almost like a lighthouse.

“Yes!” Brian said to himself as he approached it and turned the corner, stopping suddenly realizing it was a, rather narrow street, looking almost like a wide alleyway because of the very tall two flat buildings facing each other and blocking out the sun. He looked up to his right and left until he saw the small white sign that said “Wage Road”, letting out a sigh of relief. At least he was in the right spot. He continued on towards the two flat buildings facing each other, clothes hanging over many of the balconies on both.

Approaching the buildings, he looked towards one saying “14” on the entrance and the other saying “16”.

_14 Wage Road. Okay so it’s building 14, but what about a bloody flat number!?_

_Oh for fuck sake, Amber never told me what flat he was in!!_

“Great,” said Brian, once again talking to himself. He approached the door and looked at the buzz buttons, hoping “Hewitt” was going to be on one of them. The list was long as the building was tall as he got on his tip toes to try and read them all, not realizing the two men hanging out on the railings on the building across the street.

“Oi! Sweetheart!” yelled the man, his Russian accent thick. The word ‘sweetheart’ making the hair on Brian’s neck stand up, a name he had been called one too many times, the situation rarely ever desirable. Brian ignored it, eyes widened as he continued to look at the names quicker and hoping he wasn’t calling to him.

“BABY!” another voice said, also sounding Russian. “You need some help?” Brian turned his head to the left just slightly, hoping to see that the two men weren’t talking to him, but unfortunately wasn’t that lucky.“Hey hun, who you looking for, maybe I know them?” The guy was your typical chav, a fucking track suit, his hair slicked back with what looked like car oil, his buddy a bit taller and bald. They looked like complete numb nuts and Brian wanted to turn and run, his fight or flight mode activated as it did when Amber surprised him at his locker.

“I’m fine, thanks,” squeaked Brian as he turned to look back at the list of buttons, not wanting to piss him off. He often would run his mouth when he had an escape route planned, but at that moment he didn’t and had to play it safe.  
  
 _WHERE IS HEWITT?!_

Brian’s mouth became dryer and a wave of relief washed through him as he finally spotted it.

_S. Hewitt. 10B!_

Brian pressed it twice in a panic as he side-eyed the two men across the street.  
  
“Very fine you are,” called back the other and the men laughed, getting up from the railing they were leaning on to cross the narrow street, this not being a good day to wear his extra tight trousers. “Haven’t seen you around here before.” Brian wanted with every fibre in his being to tell them to fuck themselves, but knew he was not in a good position to do so, especially if they held a grudge and stuck around. Brian smiled with tight lips that looked more like a grimace if truth be told as he heard the buzzer buzz back.

“Hello?” Steve’s voice sounded like heaven to his ears.  
  
“Hey! It’s me!” piped Brian quickly, hoping to speed this up as quick as possible as he heard the men still attempt to talk to him, tuning them out as best as possible.  
  
“Oh hey! I’m on the second floor, 10B, come on up!” his Manchester accent chimed as the door buzzed loudly beside him.

_I kinda figured since that was the number on the fucking button._

Brian turned to grab the handle quickly. He pulled it open and closed it behind him tightly, rushing away from it as he headed towards the staircase before those men had a chance to say anything through the glass. For someone who hated exercise, Brian went up those rather steep stairs like he was training for a marathon, not stopping to catch his breath till he was at the top of, the ‘LEVEL 2’ sign on the door, golden and beckoning, as he huffed.

He hated feeling like a victim at any point of his life, but especially in these situations. His father would say he was asking for it dressed the way he was, the lip gloss, the hair, the tight trousers- and maybe he was right. But fuck, should he not be allowed to wear what he wanted? He had sympathy for women that some men would never feel, his brow furrowed at the idea of those assholes talking to Amber that way if she came to this building by herself late in the evening. How does she deal with it?

He pushed the thought to the back of his brain as he collected himself, catching his breath properly and heading down the hallway. He eyed the doors and counted them like a child slowly until he finally got to 10, staring at the door that said ‘10B’ longer than he realized as the door opened before he even had a chance to knock.

“There you are!” said Steve laughing, leaning out of his flat and looking down the hallway. “Had to make sure you didn’t get lost, you took a while.” Brian’s kohl-rimmed eyes were wide, blinking as he stared at Steve in his Led Zeppelin t-shirt that was a little too big for him, loose black shorts that almost reached his knees. Shorts, or were they boxers? Brian couldn’t tell. He was holding a Stella beer in one hand as the other pushed his hair back, waiting for him to respond. “You okay, mate?” Steve asked, chuckling, bringing the can to his face and taking a sip. “Amber is still at Uni, she told me she might be late this morning when she left.”

Brian blinked again, realizing he still wasn’t saying anything.

“Oh, yeah! Sorry, I’m just a little out of shape, the walk here and the stairs took it out of me,” Brian replied, sounding nervous, though he didn’t quite know why.

_God dammit, get yourself together._

Brian walked into Steve’s flat slowly as he was met with a stuffy smell.

_It wouldn’t kill him to open a window._

He looked around, dishes on the counter, a few cans of beer on the counter, a football game playing on his tv.

_Of course. Football boy is watching football._

Steve laughed, reading the look on Brian’s face of, noting he wasn’t amused.

“We can change it if you really want. It’s taped,” said Steve with a chuckle, pointing to the VCR with the red light on.

“You’re watching taped football?” Brian asked, his inner sass reappearing, sounding more like himself within the second. He cocked an eyebrow that screamed _‘really?’_ in the most sarcastic voice possible.

“Hey, it’s my favourite game!” Steve defended, going on about which team was versing which team, it became a massive jumble in Brian’s brain within seconds. It was like speaking a whole other language to him. Brian couldn’t help but laugh, a little more than necessary. Steve sat on the couch, smiling at the nancy boy’s enjoyment out of his slight football obsession. “I have formula 1 races taped too!” Brian snorted again, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch, putting his bag down on the floor near him.

“Of COURSE you do,” Brian laughed, secretly finding it more adorable than he did dorky. Steve laughed too as he sat back on the couch that had definitely seen better days.

“You wanna beer?” he slurred quick, pointing to his own can before bringing it to his lips. Brian watching intently, noticing how much poutier the bottom lip was versus his top, both of them quite lush though, perfect for a lipstick ad.

“Sure,” he replied contently, who could turn down free booze? Not Brian! He looked around his flat some more as Steve put his own can on the coffee table, without a coaster, and headed towards his small fridge. Brian noted the place was poorly decorated, and messy. Your typical bachelor twat flat. That is, until he noticed the small drum kit set up where a kitchen table probably should be. It was quite small, looked like something a new drummer would start out with.

“Little kit,” Brian teased, pointing to the blue drum set. Steve looked at him and then over to where he was pointing, smiling.

“Yeah I know, it’s just so I don’t get rusty, I can’t really play here without neighbours banging on the wall beside me or ceiling above me to shut up, so it’s best I have nothing bigger. I play with much, much bigger kits than this though, the bigger the better,” mused Steve with a chuckle as he passed him a nice cold Stella beer can, one that Brian took all too eagerly after that walk and fearful run of the stairs. Brian pulled the tab open on the can like his life depended on it, glad that his polish was already chipped from his guitar strings.

“Oh that’s a good point, how long have you been playing then?” Brian asked curiously, genuinely interested, unsure if he had asked Steve that at Burger King, last night suddenly becoming a blur to him.

“Since I was a kid! I’d do it all the time if it paid the rent,” said Steve light-heartedly, “get a better place.” The older boy motioned with his hand at his surroundings, laughing as he reached for his beer can again. “I work at the pit lanes part-time and I drum part-time, none of my work hours are always all too certain, so I have to be careful.”

“Oh it’s not too bad, it is better than my place, you just need a bit of help decorating,” replied Brian coyly, suddenly feeling comfortable on the couch with his crisp cool beer in hand. “You just need help.” Brian looked around the flat again, even slower this time. “A lot of help.” Brian smiled, laughing at his own mean teasing remark as Steve looked back while cocking an eyebrow at him with a smirk.

“Funny, Amber says the same, it’s great she attracts people as mean as her to take the piss. Good thing I pride myself in being the bigger person,” replied Steve flatly, a coy smile playing on his lips before taking a last long sip from his beer and crumpling the can and tossing it on the floor and opening the other he grabbed when he grabbed Brian’s. “How ‘bout a joint? I’m even willing to share my weed with mean boys my girlfriend invites over,” continued Steve with a laugh and Brian snorted, enjoying Steve’s banter.

“Well, I mean, if you’re willing to share, who am I to say no, y’know?” said Brian sweetly, taking a delicious long sip of his beer, having realized he had gotten used to the cheap shit. Stella beer was a step up from the alcohol water he’d buy just to get a nice buzz going from the corner store.

“Oh of course,” said Steve laughing as he lit up a joint, that familiar, wonderful aroma of marijuana filling up the small flat quickly as the older man took two long puffs and passed the spliff over to Brian. He took it without hesitation, realizing how he had almost snatched it, suddenly feeling like he came across a little greedy, if not rude. His self-doubts were quickly pushed aside though as he took a long drag, enjoying the instant lift the weed gave him, that familiar tingle and fuzzy feeling that was subtle but all too welcomed. “You good?” asked Steve laughing as he sat back on the couch beside him where he was and grinning, waiting for him to pass the joint back.

“Oh, sorry,” replied the nancy boy quickly, passing the joint back. “I’m good. I do weed lots y’know.”

_I hope he doesn’t think I’m some weed newbie._

Brian was a little unsure why he cared what Steve thought so much, but the fact of the matter was he did. He wanted to be the closest to ‘cool’ as he could get, or at least not appear like a green teenager trying weed for the first god damn time.

He watched Steve out of the corner of his eye as the older boy took some long drags from the joint, closing his eyes, his lashes looking even longer that way as they fluttered closed, his left hand pushing his black curls behind his ear while laying back against the couch. He watched Steve let out a sigh, his eyes starting to wander down his body as the football game still played in the background, the announcer going on about a goal that Brian couldn’t care less about as he eyed the worn band shirt, a small rip near the hem. His loose shorts splayed over his thighs down to his knee, noticing how thin the material was as it outlined his manhood rather well.

_Is he even wearing boxers or underpants under those shorts? Oh god, fuck, why am I even looking!? Did he notice me staring at his crotch!?_

Brian turned away, the buzz from the beer making him a tad more paranoid (or was it the weed?) that Steve saw him staring at his crotch, why did he look at his crotch?!

_Keep yourself together, Brian, Jesus._

He took another big gulp of his can of beer before looking over his shoulder back at Steve who still had his eyes closed, smiling softly to himself, enjoying the high he was getting.He thankfully was too stoned to notice. Brian let out a sigh of relief, laying back on the couch as well and deciding to just enjoy the free buzz.

“So, do you wanna be an actor then? A movie star?” Steve’s voice broke the short calm between them as Brian needed to take a moment to comprehend what he said, turning to look at the older man, watching Steve’s eyes open slowly like he just woke up. Brian let out a chuckle.

“I mean, not a movie star, I just wanna be on a stage really. Act, sing.”

“You act AND sing, right,” replied Steve a little quicker than he was expecting in the middle of what looked to be a nice high. “You’re almost a triple threat.” They both laughed.

“I’m a real good singer,” replied Brian as snobby as he could muster with a grin. “You spin me righhhttt round, baby,” he sang without hesitation, his voice reach his high note perfectly during ‘right’, glad he nailed it because at the same time, he didn’t know why he just sang for him. Brian looked over at Steve, blushing.

“I’m honoured to be in your presence, Whitney,” replied Steve with a chuckle, actually sounding impressed.

“Whitney!?”  
  
“Houston!” Brian scoffed, giggling.

“I’m cuter!”

“Whitney is pretty smoking, but you are definitely cute,” replied Steve matter-of-factly with another chuckle before leaning forward to grab his beer can again to take a big swig. Brian stared at him. Steve just said he was cute, his buzz making that fact all that more important in this moment, but he wasn’t sure why.

_So Steve is attractive, you find him attractive, it’s no big deal.  
You need to get yourself together before you make a complete ass of yourself._

Brian’s subconscious was trying to keep him in check, but it was only half working.

“Are all of Amber’s drama friends cute?” Brian asked with a grin, pushing his own hair behind his ear and grinning.

_What are you doing?_

Steve looked at him, his eyes a little wider as he took another sip of his can.

“Um,” Steve started, swallowing a few times though he hadn’t taken any sips of his drink. “Not in the same way you are, I must admit. You really, uh, blend the genders together,” he finished, with a laugh. “There’s me saying the wrong fucking thing again.” Brian continued to smile, that being only a compliment to him, truly.

“Thanks,” replied Brian, the act of sipping beer turning to a nervous response between the two, the nice fuzzy feeling intensifying sweetly.

“The best part about watching football games I’ve already seen before while I’m stoned is that if I miss a part, it’s okay, I already knows what happened,” said Steve, pointing at his tv before lifting his feet up to put them on the coffee table in front of them. Brian stayed silent for a moment, realizing what he just said. Was he that stoned or was he trying to change the subject? Either way, Brian couldn’t help but smile sweetly.

_What a dork._

Brian giggled, unable to keep his fits of laughter to himself.

“Maybe you’re not a brute, you’re just a dork,” said Brian, realizing what he said as the last word left his mouth, putting his hand to his face. He couldn’t keep the fits of giggles to himself as Steve looked over at him, his mouth hanging open, some hair falling forward and curling around his ears.

_God, he’s cute._

“Hey!! You thought I was a brute?!” Steve sounded insulted, but a smile was on his lips as Brian hoped he wasn’t taking any actual offence.

“Maybe a little bit, but you might actually be kinda cool,” replied Brian, not that he had any idea of how to measure cool by a long shot, sipping more of his beer. His buzz already got him in abit of trouble, might as well go balls to the wall. Steve chuckled again, staring at the tv.

“Ah I’m no brute, I just wanna be happy, you know? Content, whatever that means,” said Steve flatly, his smile fading away a bit, looking over at Brian and giving him a small grin to try and keep the mood light. As a kid who suffered from depression, Brian knew exactly what that sentence meant, but he wasn’t sure it meant the same to Steve. Happiness was a constant helium balloon he was chasing the string of. When he managed to snag it, it was only a matter of time before the wind blew it away from his grasp.

“I get it,” the nancy boy replied, knowing this was a can of worms neither of them should probably open right now with a buzz on. “Me too.” Steve gripped his can a little tighter and moved his hand towards Brian.

“Cheers! To some sort of fucking happiness, yeah?” Brian grinned tenderly at him and tapped his can to him. They both took a sip of their drinks as the lock on his door made a clicking sound, the doorknob turned and in emerged Amber, gripping the strap of her bag. She grinned happily as she saw the boys on the couch.

“Oh good! You made it! And I see you started without me!” said Amber happily, pretending to be offended as she threw the three books she was carrying down on the counter. Steve looked over the back of the couch at her and grinned.

“You know me, babe! A party wherever I go!” he said with a chuckle, winking at Brian. “Right!?” looking at Brian for reassurance. Brian smiled back, happy Amber was here, and realizing he was also a little disappointed she was here already. Maybe it was the just the weed…

TO BE CONTINUED…


End file.
